By Edward Russell
Special to The Washington Post

Travel writer Harriet Baskas faced a dilemma for her 20th wedding anniversary.

An assignment to Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport would see her miss the milestone with her husband and, while they had no standing traditions at home, a couples weekend package at the new Grand Hyatt DFW was enticing.

What if, she thought, he joined her for the trip to spend time together in an unconventional date spot?

That’s exactly what they did, taking a gourmet cooking class, enjoying the restaurants and soaking in the views of one of the world’s busiest airports.

That stay kicked off a tradition that has taken Baskas and her husband to an airport hotel roughly every five years, in places including Denver, Nashville and Vancouver.

Her favorite? The Westin Denver International Airport, where they watched “Top Gun” on the plaza.

“That was just a big treat to watch an aviation-themed movie at the airport outside our hotel,” she said.

Airport hotels are no longer dominated by the staid, cheap, bed-for-a-night abodes that were standard for so many decades. New accommodations hark back to the luxury of early aviation, featuring top-notch amenities that are enjoyable for weary vacationers, road warriors and even locals.

The TWA Hotel at New York’s John F. Kennedy International Airport features a high-end bar where aviation-themed drinks are a must. The rooftop pool at the Grand Hyatt DFW features sweeping views of the surrounding airport. And workouts in the high-floor gym at the Denver airport Westin come with a view of the Rocky Mountains.

From early practicality to modern amenities

The idea of an airport hotel dates to the origins of air travel itself, when those who could afford to fly faced long, multi-stop trips. A New York-to-Los Angeles flight on TWA in 1936 took more than 15 hours, according to a schedule from the time. Weather and other delays were common and often could require an overnight stay en route.

The Dearborn Inn was one of those early abodes, said Ted Ryan, an archivist at Ford Motor Co. Others included the Aerodrome Hotel at Britain’s Croydon Airport and the Oakland Airport Inn in California.

The Dearborn Inn opened adjacent to the former Ford Airport in Michigan in July 1931. The stately Georgian-style building designed by Albert Kahn served as an overnight respite for fliers and crews until the airport closed in 1947.

The hotel is still operating, though, and a recently completed multimillion-dollar, two-year renovation highlighted its aviation heritage.

Julie Mendola, who oversees real estate projects for Ford and worked on the renovation, said one feature reimagines a tradition from the company’s founder.

“Previously, when individuals traveled, Henry Ford would give them a boarding pass,” Mendola said. “We took the original phone booth (that) sits just off the lobby. When you step in you can actually print, email or text yourself a digital boarding pass.”

The “boarding pass” features your photo and a vintage aviation-themed background, Mendola said.

Between the Dearborn Inn’s “Americana” luxury, as a 1937 brochure put it, and today’s posh Hyatts and Westins was a long period of basic airport accommodations that served a need and not much else.

Henry Harteveldt, a travel-industry analyst at Atmosphere Research Group, noted the introduction of jumbo jets, such as Boeing’s 747 and the McDonnell Douglas DC-10, as a turning point for airport hotels. A lot more people could afford to fly on these new planes that seated hundreds of passengers.

“That really led to a growth in the number of (hotel) properties near an airport and a variety of properties near an airport,” he said.

One important cohort was business travelers. While earlier work trips involved a stay downtown or near a factory, the advent of mass air travel meant corporate fliers could go somewhere just for a meeting at the airport. And they needed a place to stay.

The Hilton Chicago O’Hare Airport Hotel catered to these road warriors. It opened in 1973 as one of the first hotels connected to an airport terminal, and it featured rooms that Architecture Plus magazine described at the time as “a good cut above standard practice.”

The growing demand for airport hotels attracted global brands — Hilton, Hyatt, Marriott — that brought a standard look and feel to properties, Harteveldt said, contributing to the sector’s staid reputation.

Pricey convenience

Stacey Stegman, a spokesperson for Denver International Airport, said feedback on the Westin is generally positive, but it does get one frequent complaint.

“People love the convenience; they love the quality,” she said. “The only negative thing I typically hear is that it can be pricey at times.”

Travelers do have the option of cheaper hotels near the Denver airport. There are more than a dozen accommodations a little more than five miles from the terminal, with rates as low as $100 a night, Google Maps shows. But none of these offer the convenience and ease of the Westin that is steps from baggage claim.

Newer, more sophisticated airport hotels are relatively expensive and popular.

The Grand Hyatt at SFO, which opened in 2019, is full more than 80% of the time, the San Francisco International Airport spokesman Doug Yakel said. The cheapest room for a one-night stay on a recent Friday was $340, according to the hotel’s website.

And a top amenity for aviation enthusiasts? The views.

Harteveldt said the views of Los Angeles International Airport from the Hyatt Regency LAX, his favorite airport hotel, are excellent. That includes the one from the gym at the top of the hotel.

“That makes a workout more fun for an AV geek like me,” he said.

By Joshua Coleman
Special to The Washington Post

I recently learned from my mother that my father cheated on her when I was younger. She assured me she forgave him long ago, and they worked through it in couples therapy. She said they have a good marriage and have grown a lot since then, but ever since she told me, I haven’t been able to move past it. I haven’t wanted to see him since she told me, and I feel like something has been broken inside me toward him, even though we were always close. Not sure what to do, if anything. Any advice?

This question from a patient touches on the deep disappointment we can feel when a loved one’s actions conflict with our values — even when we are not directly involved. Such revelations can be particularly difficult when they involve a parent, making it hard to move past feelings of hurt or betrayal.

When we are growing up, our parents can seem infallible, incapable of making decisions that go against our most deeply held beliefs. We take pride in their successes and feel a sense of shame when they fail. To that extent, our identities are intertwined with who they are, the decisions they make and the lives they lead.

For my patient, her father’s actions shattered the image she had of him. She had never done what he did, nor could she imagine doing so. He betrayed not only her mother, but also my patient’s beliefs about who he is.

This kind of disillusionment can be painful, but there are ways to manage the feelings of betrayal and anguish. The following steps may help, especially in cases where the act isn’t outright unforgivable but still deeply conflicts with personal values.

Consider the person in full

People are not defined by a single act as either good or bad. When we feel let down by someone we love, it can help to take a broader view — recognizing their imperfections but also their worth. My patient was very close to her father, which may suggest he has many qualities she admired. Those attributes may also have helped her mother forgive him and feel motivated to preserve the marriage.

Examine your own motivations

Disappointment often stems from a core value being shaken. Culturally, we often view affairs as an unforgivable offense — cross the line and you’re out. Most of us value fidelity in marriage, and infidelity typically causes the other party enormous pain and disruption. My patient probably believes forgiving her father would mean excusing something that could have broken up her parents’ marriage and the home.

By identifying which value has been disrupted, we can reflect on whether it is an absolute boundary or if we are willing to balance it with others such as forgiveness, understanding or maintaining family ties.

Have an honest conversation

If possible, speaking directly to the person who disappointed you can be therapeutic. Expressing how their actions affected you may provide clarity, resolution or even a sense of closure. However, be prepared for the possibility that they may not want to discuss it or that their answers may not bring the resolution you seek.

If an open conversation does not provide closure, then acceptance may be the answer. You may have to recognize that the behavior wasn’t about you, but was about them and their struggles.

See them as doing the best they can

It can feel empowering to end or limit relationships with family or friends whose values conflict with ours. However, sometimes the more empowered position is to see them as doing the best they can given their own upbringing, social class, genetic predispositions or marriages. While we may define ourselves, when we are children, through our parents’ values, we get to choose those we embrace and those we put aside when we become adults.

One person’s actions don’t define love or relationships

A parent’s mistakes can feel deeply personal, shaping how you see yourself and the world. If your father betrayed your mother, you might feel tempted to believe that all men — or all relationships — are untrustworthy. But that’s not true. One person’s actions don’t define the nature of love or the integrity of others.

Rebuilding trust takes time

When someone we love disappoints us, healing doesn’t happen overnight. Allow yourself time to process your emotions and come to your own conclusions. However, try not to avoid the situation indefinitely — unresolved feelings can deepen over time, making them harder to confront later.

People are complex, capable of both mistakes and growth. In time, you may find that acceptance, rather than self-protection or judgment, is the path that brings you the most peace.

Joshua Coleman is a clinical psychologist and senior fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families. His newest book is “Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict.”